Ask Anne - 40-year-old Seeking Balance and Purpose

September 06, 2024

Dear Anne:

I am a 40-year-old experiencing a major crossroad in my life. I have spent the past 20 years working hard to build a successful career, but I am now finding myself feeling unfulfilled and questioning whether I have truly pursued my passions. I am married with two children, and while I love my family deeply, I sometimes feel like I have lost touch with who I am as an individual.

I am looking for advice on how to find a sense of purpose and fulfillment in my life.

Sincerely,

A 40-year-old Seeking Balance and Purpose

-----
Dear 40-Year-Old Seeker,

I believe a lot of women can relate to your feelings of having “lost touch with” who you are as an individual. You put so much energy into your children, and before you know it, you’ll be an “Empty Nester.” Then, many much older women complain about feeling “invisible,” so it’s good you are addressing this emotion, and real concern, earlier in life than later. At 40, you still have time to pivot career-wise, and there’s no time like the present to “redefine” yourself.

In his book The Cure for the Common Life, Max Lucado, provides important instructional guidance for “Living in Your Sweet Spot.” The first half of the books is filled with motivational tips, like finding out what your real S.T.O.R.Y. is. (That’s an exercise using an acrostic that helped me a lot.) Another useful part of the book is found under the section entitled: “Sweet Spot Discovery Guide” by People Management International, Inc./Steve Halliday. Their premise is that we were designed to have a purpose in life, and this exercise will help you find your true purpose. It’s an exciting process!

I would also suggest you spend some time in solitude to crystalize your thinking. Take a journal along with you to capture your thoughts. “Before we can surrender ourselves we must become ourselves. For no one can give up what he does not possess,” Thomas Merton.

During that solitary time, pray for discernment, wisdom, and peace. And, remember, there’s nothing to fear.

Once I found my true purpose, I soon realized that all my activities – avocation and vocation as well as how I spent my free time and volunteer hours all just seemed to align. Coincidence? Not at all.

It is my belief that when you begin having such “losing touch” feelings, it’s time to b-r-e-a-t-h-e, reset your focus (once you know what your focus is supposed to be), and get recharged to go in the right direction. Know this: You may well have just received a little God-nudge.
-----
The opinions or views expressed in this column are not intended to treat or diagnose; nor are they meant to replace the treatment and care you may receive from a licensed counselor, physician, or mental-health professional. In addition, they may, or may not, represent the views of this newspaper. Have a question? Email: AskAnne@baycountycoastal.com or mail to Bay County Coastal, PO Box 1331, Lynn Haven, FL 32444